


Choices

by duchesskryze (i_want_rose_tyler_back)



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mutual Pining, Obitine, Pining, its about the yearning. constant yearning dhajklaskda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-07 22:04:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20824550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_want_rose_tyler_back/pseuds/duchesskryze
Summary: In the aftermath of Obi-Wan's faked death, Satine and Obi-Wan have an important and long awaited conversation.AKA: The one about yearning.





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write something about Obi-Wan faking his death. This did not at all go how I originally expected it to go, but I guess that's what happens when you write sleep deprived at 4AM lol
> 
> Also Mandoa translation  
Di'kut: Idiot  
Shabuir: Jerk but stronger. Probably closer to calling someone a dick tbh

She has grieved him for a month at least- it feels much longer, but she has no idea how much time truly passed. She hadn’t wanted to think about it, but she knows it felt like an eternity. For gods sake, she attended his funeral! Now here he was, smiling as though he hadn’t completely devastated her, as though it was some hilarious joke he was finally letting her in on.

And she yells at him, because the alternative is to cry. “Of all the selfish, moronic, thoughtless things to do-”

“Satine.” Obi-Wan tries to interrupt.

“-you  _ di’kut  _ you absolute  _ shabuir _ ! ”

“Satine!” Obi-Wan says, more forcefully this time, moving as though to take her shoulders as he had so often before, but thinking better of it. “You know that I know Mando’a, right?”

“That is sort of the point of an insult, Master Kenobi.” And that is how he knows she is far angrier than anticipated. He has never been Master Kenobi when they are alone.

“Apologies, Duchess I thought I might clarify.” He snaps, though he’s not entirely sure who he is mad at.

“You have made much perfectly clear.” She replies coldly. “If that is all you came to do, you may leave. I’m quite sure a man back from the dead has much better things to do.”

This time he does grab her arm, gently so she might pull away if she wanted. ** _ “Satine.”_ ** He says in the same tone he had used when she had been attacked on Coruscant. It made him sound rather like a kicked kath hound, and just as she did then, she knows him far too well not to know what he means.

He has no idea what it does to her, to have him touch her like this, to speak like this. He has a way of making her melt even after all these years, and it  _ hurts _ . He can’t know, because she knows he would never intentionally hurt her, and well, doesn’t that just twist the knife?

“Don’t.” She tries to say firmly, hating how her voice catches. “Don’t tell me you had no choice, don’t tell me you had to. I know the story, the Jedi needed you, it had to be done for the good of the Republic. Don’t bother explaining.”

“You always know what I am going to say, do you?” He says defensively, though he cannot deny that was exactly the spiel he was ready to launch into.

“Because it is always the same reasoning, Ben. Always the same excuses.” And she sounds so tired, Obi-Wan finally lets himself feel the guilt he had been pushing back. He cannot deny however, how nice it is to hear his old nickname from her lips again.

“If I remember correctly, you had the same excuses.” He replies, once again defensive.

“I didn’t mean- I don’t want to have this conversation.” Satine says, pulling away, ready to walk away again.

She would, if they were still twenty-one, young and in love and naive as ever. But they’re older now, they have made their choices, and those choices do not include each other. Wishing and wondering if they had only made it hurt more. They have other lives now away from each other, their time has passed. This conversation is about fifteen years too late, and they both know it.

He takes her hand this time, still gentle as ever. “You’re right, that wasn’t fair. I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t. You know-”  _ how i feel about you _ . “You know.” She pauses again in an attempt to articulate her thoughts. “You chose to leave.” Then, as an afterthought as she realized how petty she truly sounded. “We  _ both  _ decided to go our separate ways.”

“You could have asked.” He says, taking her hand into both of his, pulling it in toward his chest.

“No, I couldn’t.” She moves in closer. _ I didn’t have a choice _ she tries to say, but the words get caught in her throat.

There is a pause as he does the same. “I know.” And something in his voice tells her he understood what she did not say.

Satine takes a shuddering breath, she needs to get out of here. “Then I do not believe we have anything more to say to one another. Thank you for informing me of your rise from the dead, next time I would appreciate some notice, but I won’t hold my breath.” 

“I will do my utmost.” And he means it.

They both know they should let go of each others hands now, they need to walk away now. Because the longer they remain in each others presence, the less they want to leave. Still, they remain there, looking in one anothers eyes, Obi-Wan tilts his head slightly, and Satine moves forward ever so slightly. Soon enough their foreheads are touching, their breaths mingling.

“I can’t.” Obi-Wan says before either of them can close the distance.

Satine pulls back immediately. “I know.” She bites her tongue before she can apologize. She refuses to apologize for this. She does however, let go of his hand, and tries to put some distance between them.

“The war-” He tries to explain, tries to say that  _ maybe _ one day after the war,  _ maybe _ if she still wants him, he will be ready, she need only ask, but she cuts him off.

“No need to explain, Master Kenobi.” And he doesn’t need to be a Jedi to hear how hard she is trying to reign in her emotions. He can relate. “I understand.” She always does. “As I said before, do please make an attempt to inform me better in the future. Now I must be off, there is much to be done.”

He’s not sure he would have completed the sentence anyway. He’s afraid to tell her he would still leave at the drop of a hat if she asked, even if it would kill him to leave the war unfought and his friends at the front lines. If she asked him, he would do most anything.

She had too much power over him, even now.

He suspects she knows, and it makes him all the more appreciative that she never asks. He knows it isn’t even an option to her. She knows how important the Jedi are to him. Even so, it still is and has forever been her choice.

“As the esteemed Duchess wishes.”


End file.
